It wasn’t a hard week, but working 5 days in a row is hard until you get used to it! I completed 2 weeks of work and got my first paycheck (which Eric picked up for me). My pay’s not half bad! It’s even more than I expected, because I didn’t know how much would be taken out in taxes. There are five different taxes deducted, but I still got about 80%, which I think is great!
Nothing too thrilling to report today. Had another pleasant day at work. I found out that two women I work with actually lived in New York for a short period of time. One lived in Kew Gardens at the same exact time that I did. Talk about a small world! I told her I thought it was really weird, because we might have been on the same train at the same time, or been in the same restaurant or shop in the neighborhood!
When I got home I discovered that our NUTRISYSTEM food for the next 5 weeks had arrived. Eric unpacked and organized all of his and I unpacked mine (not too organized). He has his neatly divided into breakfast, lunch and dinner. I kind of have all of mine shoved into a cabinet. It’s easy to identify the meals: blue is breakfast; green is lunch; red is dinner and dessert. Eric also has snacks, which I don’t get (boo hoo, I say).
Tonight I had cheese ravioli (2 big ones) and Eric had chicken with pasta. One thing that is a real benefit of the program is not having to think about what I’m going to have for dinner, or having to go through a lot of fuss to have it (since I don’t like cooking very much). I just pick out a package, read the instructions and a few minutes later my dinner is piping hot and ready to eat! I make salads, or soup to go with it, and I’m done! Not too many dishes to wash either!
After dinner I did two loads of laundry and watched a lot of shows I had recorded: DR. PHIL, PRISON BREAK, CSI NY and GHOST WHISPERER. You can watch a lot more TV when you fast forward through all the commercials!
Tomorrow I have to go to the post office, food shopping, and tidy up the apartment, because I’m having company on Sunday. My friend, Bonnie, and her daughter, Nicole, are coming over for a decoupage class. I haven’t taught a class in a long time and it will be fun to show them how much fabulous decoupage can be!
Eric is working on Monday and is hoping that the job turns out to be pretty normal hours, but I can already see it’s not going to be. I guess we’re lucky, because it’s no big deal if he doesn’t, but I know he’ll be disappointed. He says he needs to keep busy and since he’s not doing much riding, he needs something else.
The other day I heard someone on TV say, "If you're not givin', you're not livin'." They were referring to volunteering. It gave me an idea, so I spoke to Eric about volunteering, because I have always done volunteer work of one kind or another, and know how gratifying it can be. Unfortunately, he is totally disinterested. I told him that doing something for someone else, and not getting anything out of it for yourself, is really a gift. You end up getting much more than you ever dreamed.
Years ago I volunteered at a place on the Upper West Side. It was a residence for blind and mentally handicapped men and women. I ran their “music program” which really just meant that I brought cassette tapes (yes, it was long enough ago that we used tapes and CDs were just a distant dream) and would play different music for them every week and talk to them about it. I would bring rock one week; pop the next; or maybe a Broadway musical. I remember how much they loved THE MOODY BLUES and TALKING HEADS. Some would just sit and listen; others would dance; others ignored the music completely and were lost in their own world. I tried to get them all involved and just enjoyed opening them up to new sounds. Since they were blind, they really had acute hearing and noticed everything in the music. It was very interesting.
Years later I volunteered with a group called HEARTS & VOICES, which entertained people with AIDS in hospitals in the city. I also got involved through that organization with a hospital all the way uptown that took care of babies with AIDS. That was really hard, because you’d fall in love with these babies and play with them, change their diapers and hold them and love them every week, and then one week you’d go and they’d be gone. There was a gorgeous baby named Javier who loved to be held. He was about a year old. All the volunteers would practically fight over who would hold Javier – he was so loveable. When I found out he died, it broke my heart. Sometimes I still think of little Javier and believe he’s an angel now watching over me, along with all the others I have loved and lost. It brings me some comfort.
My last stint as a volunteer was with the MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION. I was on their Speaker’s Bureau and also their Special Events Committee. I would go to schools or organizations that raised money for MAKE-A-WISH and make a speech and collect a check. It was great work, because people love that organization and they were really touched by what their donations could achieve. I also worked at their special events as a volunteer – coat check, working the silent auctions, or accepting tickets – anything they needed to make the events run smoothly. They were always fabulous events and I love parties, so it was really fun.
I think Eric could volunteer in so many ways, because he has so much to offer, but he just doesn’t think that way. I think when you’re helping people in need it makes you look at your own life differently, and you see what you have to be grateful for. I’m going to work on him, and maybe even find someplace where we could go together, so he can see how great it can be to give of yourself.
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, because things are not perfect. Eric is so unhappy and I’m going to have to leave San Diego. Sometimes I can’t believe how things turned out. Then I remember that this is real life and nothing ever goes as you planned. Yet I am the eternal optimist and I still believe something good will come out of all this.
It was 21 years ago this week that Eric had his motorcycle accident. Those were dark days. He was in the hospital for days before they even figured out whether or not to operate. He was in the operating room for six hours and they said he’d never work again. He was on crutches for six months and had to learn to walk all over again. Things seemed bleak and the future looked dim. But Eric refused to believe that he couldn’t work. He refused to become disabled. He refused to give up. I don’t know how he did it, but he fought back and became an athlete.
His first days on the bicycle were torture, but he persisted, riding through the pain. He grew strong, and then he found a new life – a life he never would have had if he didn’t have the accident. I actually asked him once, if he could change the past, and never have had the accident, if he would. He said no, because he knew that it had put him on a different path – a bicycle path – and that it made him healthier, happier and more successful than he ever could have been if he didn’t have that accident.
I think he is going through the same struggle now, and I tried to show him the parallels in this situation. Things look grim, but you have to fight through it to find what lies ahead – your next great adventure. But instead of fighting, he is giving up. He is just letting the negative overcome him, instead of fighting for the positive. If I could just make him fight again, I know he would win. I just don’t know how to get him to fight.