Peppy's Dream Moving Adventure Blog

I am very disappointed in myself.  Actually, I’m mad at myself – filled with self-loathing.  I know it sounds very dramatic, but I mean it!

I didn’t walk on Monday, because my ride asked me to go to the mall with her.

I didn’t walk yesterday – well, I DID walk yesterday, but just to KEIL’S and back, because I had to go foodshopping.

So, I was determined that I was going to walk and swim today.  I haven’t since Friday.

I had a great day at work.  I worked on some less-stressful projects this morning in KRM, a mailing – printing labels, copying letters, etc., and then had a great afternoon (as usual) in HR.

I was ready for my big walk after work.  I was determined to walk.  I wanted to walk.

I turned my phone on at 4:45pm, right before I went to the ladies’ room, and when I came back my HR co-worker told me she loved my phone’s ring (SEX AND THE CITY theme song).  It was Eric, and he left a message.  I was wondering why he was calling me at 4:45pm, but he was confused with the time change and thought it was 5:45pm.

I called him back.  He was in Arkansas, but said he’d be in Oklahoma before he stopped for the night.  He was going to go back to Oklahoma City to spend the night.

I told him to call me back in an hour.  I got home, got undressed and was going to go for my walk, but I didn’t want to carry my phone with me, so I figured I’d call Eric.  I tried him twice, but he didn’t answer.  I figured I’d lay down, until he called, and of course I fell immediately to sleep.  Eric woke me when he finally called (at around 6:00pm, and said he hadn’t even heard the phone.  He said he must have been getting gas when I called.

Anyway, I told him I wanted to go walking, but now I was too tired.  He’s so sweet and, once again, he promised that when he gets back we’re going to do a lot of walking, riding, and exercising together and we’ll both get in shape.  I feel so unmotivated, when I should be so happy and ready for Eric’s return.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I feel fine otherwise, I’m just lazy.  Help!

I woke up at 8:00pm and just steamed some edamame for dinner.  I really didn’t feel like anything heavy.  I paid some bills, read some emails, and then watched some TV.  PROJECT RUNWAY is back – another reality show I adore!

I decided that I’m going to talk about something I haven’t spoken about previously in my blog.  I don’t know why I didn’t want to talk about it, but I realize that the only people who read this are people who know and love me, and are supporting me in so many different ways, so I want to be a little more open and honest.

I have been going to see a therapist on Thursdays.  I originally found her for Eric and me to go to – she does individual as well as couples counseling.  Eric had said he would go, but then when the day came, he backed out, so I went by myself.  I’ve been going since the end of May.

She’s really been very helpful, especially because she’s an unbiased opinion and voice, who doesn’t know Eric – or me, for that matter.  She really helped me through the whole process of Eric leaving.

Anyway, now Eric has told me that he’ll go with me on Thursdays when he gets back.  It’s something else he’s done a complete turn-around on, and I am very happy about it.
This isn’t my first time in therapy, but it’s been a long time.  I always thought being in therapy was a luxury, because there’s someone who’s focused on you for an hour, talking to you, working things through, and it’s all about you!  They have no preconceived notions about anything or anyone, and they are professionals, so they have trained techniques to get you thinking about things, which is really helpful.

Anyway, if you’ve never tried it, and you have some problems you’re grappling with, I highly recommend it!

So, that’s why I don’t walk on Thursdays.  It’s just another excuse.  Believe me, if I wanted to walk, I would walk.  I have a friend who emailed me and told me she gets up at 4:30am to exercise before she goes to work.  That’s determination!  That’s motivation!  I wish I could get me some of that!  I don’t know how she does it, but I think she’s fabulous!

Some girls in HR go walking at lunchtime.  Apparently, there’s a trail through a park right near the office.  They walk about 4 miles altogether.   I told them if I did that, I’d have to have a shower when I got back, because I’d be drenched.  They don’t even look like they sweat at all.  How do they do it?  I get all sweaty, my hair gets soaked with sweat, and my clothes are soaked.  My face gets red, and I’m sweaty – not a good look for the office!  I used to tell people – just call me Angora – I’m a heavy sweater!

So, exercising mid-day just doesn’t work for me.  Exercising in the morning is hard, because I’m not a morning person and I need every last minute of sleep.  Exercising at night is my only option.  I get home so early now, because I work so close to home and get a ride, so I really have no excuse.  Do you think I could be hypnotized to exercise?

I know they always say working out with a buddy really helps, because you’re held accountable, and you have company, which makes exercising much more interesting.  My only hope is that Eric and I can get it together when he gets back.  Yes, that’s my only hope!

Okay, so here's a treat for you all:  It's not very flattering, but my friend gave me a picture her husband took while we were riding the roller coaster.  Enjoy!