I was really looking forward to brunch with the girls at the Hotel Del Coronado today. I set the alarm for 9:00am, but I was up before 8:00am (thanks, in part, to the Little Drummer Boy. He wasn’t drumming, but he was making a lot of noise when his father came to pick him up for the day).
I worked on the computer and decided to look up the brunch at the hotel to see how much it was. You can imagine my shock when I saw that it was $69.50! I know the usual brunch here is about $25, so I figured it would be over $40, but I never dreamed it would be over $80, including tax and tip! I wanted to see the girls, I wanted to see the hotel, but I just couldn’t justify spending that much money for brunch. I just couldn’t.
I immediately called Kris. I got her voicemail and left her a message. I told her I couldn’t spend that much on brunch and would be happy to come out to the hotel after they finished eating.
Meanwhile, I jumped in the shower and went food shopping. Eric was still sleeping. When I got back, he was up and dressed and helped me put everything away. Then, he went with me to the laundry room and I started two loads. I figured this way I’d have all my errands finished, so I could go to Coronado Island to see the girls in the afternoon.
Kris called me back and said that was fine, but she wasn’t feeling well, because she got sun poisoning, so she was going to take a nap right after brunch.
Meanwhile, Eric really wanted to get out of the house, so we decided to go to a movie. I kind of figured I probably wasn’t going to make it to see the girls, since Kris was first taking her nap at 2:00pm, so we went to see HOUSE BUNNY.
It was really cute and pretty funny and we both enjoyed it. We just needed to get out and escape from reality for a few hours. Know what I mean? After the movie I called Kris. I was right, she just wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t going to do much tonight. They’re leaving at 9:00pm tomorrow night for NY, and I don’t think I’ll get to see them again before they go.
Eric and I came back to the apartment and he relaxed and watched STAR TREK while I made Mahi Mahi and a big salad. We enjoyed dinner while watching AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. The Olympics’ closing ceremonies were on tonight, but neither of us was really in the mood.
This was kind of a rough weekend. Eric and I did a lot of talking and it’s just so scary for both of us. He doesn’t want to stay here, but he doesn’t want to go to New York either. He doesn’t want to leave me, but he hates it here and thinks there’s no future for us here. It’s so frustrating for me, because I want him to either stay – and build a life for us – or leave and go to NY – and build a life for us. I can’t stand this life much longer – this not being happy and the frustration of trying to help someone when you can’t possibly help them. Eric needs to find his own happiness and figure out his own future, and then I can join him – wherever that is.
I feel if he goes back to NY he can try to find work, he can get back to the mountain biking he loves, and he can have the support of his friends and family – none of which he has here. Meanwhile, I’ll stay here and work – earning some income – and maintain the stability I’ve built for the past 7 months. I’m not ready to give it up unless I know things will be better in NY than they are here. If he’s going to be just as unhappy in NY, why should I go there?
We both know he’s leaving in a few weeks, and it’s so scary for us, and so sad, too. I’m less scared than he is, because obviously I’m not the one who has to make the big move, but I’m not the one who is unhappy here! I’d love for him to stay here with me, but at this point it’s impossible, because he’s just so depressed and unhappy that I worry about what will happen to him if he stays. I don’t necessarily think New York is the answer, but I know staying here isn’t the answer either. We’re both not sure what the answer is, but I think he has to do SOMETHING, and going back to New York seems like the best idea.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, because I really believe it helps. We will be okay, we just have to get through this. I know everyone has something in their lives that they are struggling with and it’s never easy, especially when you’re far away from those you love most. I know there are people who have much worse scenarios to deal with than we do (although Eric doesn’t feel that way). I am the eternal optimist and I believe we will be happy again someday – together – enjoying life, friends and family – the way it’s supposed to be.