Eric and I hardly slept. The alarm went off and we got up, showered, dressed, and left for the airport. In the car, Eric reiterated to me that he would be okay, but he wasn’t very convincing.
He went into the airport terminal, and I drove off to work. It was okay this morning – busy, but not too bad – but I was so distracted and I kept making mistakes. It’s a good thing my co-worker knows Eric left this morning. She was very sympathetic.
At noon I went down to HR. Eric called at about 1:30pm my time (4:30pm NY time) to say he had safely landed and his sister, Susan, was coming to pick him up at Kennedy Airport. He said the flight wasn't bad and he felt okay. He sounded pretty good.
I got right back to work, because I had SO much to do. There’s this lovely woman I work with who I think is just fabulous. She’s sweet, hard-working, and very helpful and supportive. She’s training me now, because she’s going on sabbatical in October and I’ll be taking over her job. She just transferred here in August, so she’s pretty new at the job, too, although she’s been with the firm forever.
Yesterday, because I was out, she volunteered to print out and process all the resumes. Unfortunately, she only knew part of the process, so it wasn’t done correctly. It was a big help time-wise that she printed out and processed everything, but it made me so stressed, because my routine was disrupted and because she didn’t know all the steps necessary, I had to go back and finish each resume she input.
By the time I left (at a little after 5:00pm), I had completed all the resumes she did for me, but I didn’t get anything new done today. I thought maybe I’d stay late, since I had my own car, but I really didn’t have the energy.
When I got home, I parked the car in the lot. Now that the RV is on the street, with the big FOR SALE sign in the window, I can park the PT in the lot again. It’s not much different than the street, because there’s usually a spot right in front, but I guess it’s safer.
I got my mail and walked up to the apartment. It seemed very strange to know Eric wasn’t going to be in there, but – remember – I had been through this back in July, so it’s not the first time I’ve been alone here.
I got undressed, and tried to decide if I should have something to eat, take a nap, or work on the computer. I decided to just relax and watch some TV. I told Conrad it’s just me and him now, and he better get used to it. He really seemed to like Eric a lot and I know Eric really liked him, too.
I called Eric and spoke to him for a few minutes. He didn’t sound great and there really wasn’t much to say. He is going to be busy the next few days – he’s going to the Union to check for work, to DMV to get his New York driver’s license, and his stuff is arriving tomorrow night!
Then, I called my parents, because I had told them Eric was going back to NY, but I hadn’t told them when. I figured I should probably let them know. My mother is so wonderful, because she really believes in us and she said she knows it will all turn out okay. She doesn’t even worry about me being out here by myself. She said she knows I can take care of myself, which really makes me feel great.
While I was on the phone with my Mom, my friend Geri called, just to let me know she’s there for me (as if I could ever forget). She and Larry have been so supportive and so loving, as have so many of our friends. They’re all reaching out to us, and it really means a lot. Good friends really make everything better.
While I was talking to Geri, my sister-in-law, Susan, called. Susan said Eric was doing okay, and she was going to be there for him, which I already knew. It’s amazing how strong she is. She is sure that he just needs a couple of weeks to get his act together. She’s very optimistic. I just hope she’s right!
My niece, Melissa is having her operation tomorrow. She’s been in the hospital a week and they’re just figuring out what they want to do. This is a very serious surgery, and she will be under for about 4 hours. We love Melissa so much and just want her to get better. I’m happy they’re finally doing something, and I know this will make her better. It’s just so frustrating that she had to suffer for so long before they finally figured out she needed the operation. I know she just wants to get it over with, and get well already. Melissa – we love you and we are praying for your speedy recovery!
After I hung up with everyone I made myself some MORNINGSTAR veggie chick’n nuggets. I didn’t go food shopping this weekend. We just went yesterday to pick up SNAPPLES (because I can’t live without them!). I should go and get myself some fresh veggies and fish, so I can make a nice dinner, but I’m just not motivated to cook for myself. I didn’t mind doing it for me and Eric, but I’m so lazy for just me.
I watched some TV, worked on the computer, and tried to enjoy the peace and quiet. It’s not like Eric was noisy – yelling or anything – it’s just that his constant negativism and complaining was so draining. His half-empty glass syndrome really got me down and not having to listen to it at all for a while (or at least just for a few minutes on the phone) is actually a relief.
I feel so stressed and I know exercise would really help. Jimmy said I should go for a walk, and I know I should have done it tonight, but I just wanted to get undressed and lie in bed. I worked on the computer and addressed some cards (new babies, birthdays, etc.).
At 8:30pm my time (11:30pm NY time) Eric called again. He sounded much better. He said he just wanted to say goodnight before he watched Jay Leno (he loves his monologues). When he tries, he really sounds good and together, but sometimes I think he gives in to the negative feelings and doesn’t try harder. Obviously, I don’t know what it’s like to be depressed, and maybe someone who does know would tell me it’s not a matter of giving in or fighting it. I just don’t know. Our therapist said many times that Eric has to change his way of thinking. He has to put the negative thoughts out of his mind and think positively. It’s just a big change and it’s something you have to relearn.
So, he’s there and I’m here and I just have to wait and see what happens. It’s not easy. I’m a do-er – a person who makes things happen, but this time there wasn’t a darn thing I could do. I just had to let things happen and now I have to just be patient while Eric finds his way. I know he can do it. I believe in him.