I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. I was very paranoid about crazy RV guy. I was worried that he was going to drive down here and try to figure out which apartment we live in and try to get us to sell him the RV. Fortunately, he only called once – and got Eric’s voicemail. He left a 2-minute message, begging me to reconsider, and offering all kinds of weird explanations. Most of it didn’t even make sense and was just rambling and disconnected thoughts. Good times.
I had to fax the contract for the movers today and it’s all set for tomorrow at noon. Eric has all his boxes in the dining room area, except for the bikes. He’s all packed. I look around and think “How did this happen?” Really. I’m asking. How did a couple who has been happy together for 26 years (married for 24) and never broke up for even a day, never been apart for more than 2 weeks (and that was just recently on Eric’s first trip to NY) – how did it come to this? I know we're not breaking up -- and I really want to reiterate that to the world -- we are more together than ever, this is just something Eric has to do -- but why do we have to be separated?
We’ll never know. Why do bad things happen to good people? I remember my mother reading that book many years ago – WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. I think it was when my father’s best friend was killed in a horrible car accident. I think that may have been the beginning of my mother’s depression. Yes, she suffers from it, too. It’s funny, but when I tell people that Eric’s depressed, so many people tell me they suffer from it, and they’re on medication, and they manage to lead beautiful lives. I just want Eric to be another one of those people who manages it and lives with it, and has a good life despite it.
Whenever I write in a card for a wedding, I always tell the bride and groom to cling to each other – literally and figuratively. Cling to each other and never let go, because that is what keeps people together. So many times when things get tough people turn away from each other. It can mean the end of a marriage if people stop turning towards each other for comfort and love and turn away from each other out of frustration or anger.
Eric and I have been clinging to each other more than ever. I know in the therapist’s terms we’re “co-dependent,” but it just seems like love to me. I want Eric to stand on his own two feet, but I never want him to forget – not even for one second – how much I love him and need him. I want him to know that even though we will be far away from each other, we can still cling to each other.
I was really busy at work in the morning and in the afternoon, but we did have a lot of fun in HR, too (as usual). The girls there just love to talk and laugh and there’s always a new topic of conversation. Today the subject of Halloween came up. They decided it’s time to start thinking about it. Apparently, the whole office dresses up for Halloween. Did you ever? HR always has a theme and all the girls get together and figure something out. They have some ideas, and I’m just excited to get dressed up for Halloween.
I used to dress up when I had the shop, and I really enjoyed it. Halloween was a big day in Peppy’s Dream. I’d decorate the entire shop (naturally) and all the neighborhood kids would come trick-or-treating with their parents. I’d take lots of pictures of them and I’d give a discount to any customers who came to the shop in costume. It was always fun.
I really don’t know what I would do without this job. It’s really keeping me sane, which is why I understand how Eric feels. If I was home all day, without the stimulation of work, of contributing, of the great people, I think I’d have a nervous breakdown.
The girls in HR are so sweet. I want to tell them what I’m going through, but I know I’ll cry, and they’ll feel sorry for me, and they look to me to make them laugh, to tell them stories, to be happy. They have no idea. Even Elsa, who I’m closer with than anyone, doesn’t know. Every day I want to tell her, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Last time Eric left, I didn’t tell her until he was gone. One reason was I kept thinking he’d change his mind and not go. It’s part of the reason this time, too, although I don't want him to change his mind. I think this is the only thing left for him to do. But I feel like if I talk about it something will go wrong. I don’t want to jinx it. I don’t want to make a kunahura, which is a Jewish jinx, for those of you who don’t already know!
Anyway, Eric and I are trying to enjoy every last day together, so tonight we drove to Pacific Beach for dinner. I told him that I know I’m being bad, but I was really craving pasta. We decided to go to Filippi’s Pizza Grotto on Garnet Avenue. We sat down, but their menu was SO basic (spaghetti with marinara or meat sauce, or meatballs was their only choice), so we ended up at GRINGOS Mexican again, but I actually got a pasta dish there.
They had a Cilantro Lime Penne Pasta with vegetables. It was really good. Eric had a chicken burrito/taco combination. I brought home most of my pasta, because of course I fill up on chips and salsa. It was fun and the place is really nice. We enjoy it there.
Tomorrow night we’re going to see a STEELY DAN tribute band called STEELY DAMNED. Elsa had told me about them and I said that Eric would love them, because we LOVE Steely Dan and have seen them in concert. I have their greatest hits 2-CD set and we always like to listen to it. They’re playing at HUMPREY’S, a nice venue right by the water. Elsa and Stephen are treating us, because we treated them when we went to THE WAVEHOUSE for brunch.
I’m really looking forward to it, but I’m nervous about how Eric will be feeling after all his stuff is carted off in a truck tomorrow afternoon. I just hope he’s up for it, because I think it will be a great night out for us and a wonderful memory for him to have.
When we got home he organized and moved the boxes around and then we had ice cream (which we had purchased at KEIL’S). Okay, so I’m definitely going to be fat, but I told Eric I will start my diet when he goes to NY and then when he sees me in November, when I come in for the wedding, I will be thin and gorgeous and he will love me more than ever. He says he couldn’t love me more than he does now, but I’m still determined to lose 10 pounds in the next 2 months. I plan to weigh less than 120 lbs. when I get on that plane!