I woke up at 9:00am this morning and called Eric. I was happy to hear he was at work and feeling much better. He did take the express bus, instead of riding his bicycle, so I know he’s not 100%, but at least he was able to make it to work!
Soon after, I got a text from Tifney, asking me to go to lunch with her and another friend from work. I was so happy to have a reason to get out of the apartment and I happily accepted.
They have lunch early, so I picked Tifney and David up at 11:30am and we went to a Chinese restaurant a few miles away. That’s the way it is in Del Mar – you have to drive to a restaurant.
The place was very nice and we each had a lunch special. I had the Shrimp in Lobster sauce, which is a standard for me. It was really delicious and I probably ate a little too much, but I couldn’t finish it, but didn’t have enough to take home. I gave my spring roll to Tifney to take home to her son with her leftovers (she had more than me!).
Tifney is such a great girl. She told me that when she heard Bob was having a New Year’s Eve party she called him and said, “I want to bring Peppy!” and he said, “She’s already invited and she’s coming!” It’s nice to know that Tifney thinks about me and the fact that I am alone here. It really means a lot.
David and I were telling Tifney about THE CHRISTMAS STORY, because she said she may have seen it once – a long time ago. We were both flabbergasted. It’s our favorite holiday movie (I was surprised to hear that the two Jews love THE CHRISTMAS STORY, but I guess it IS a non-religious holiday tale!). I talked about my favorite scene – when the boys visit Santa in the department store, and David was practically acting it out for Tifney. It was so funny. He’s a great guy and very entertaining.
After lunch, I headed back to the apartment and put in a load of laundry. I came back and was looking at all the loose change I have. I use quarters for the laundry, but everything else goes into a big cup and it was almost overflowing. I decided to drive to CVS in the shopping center 3 miles away and cash in my change at the COINSTAR machine. First, I stopped at STARBUCKS and got myself a grande decaf non-fat mocha latte. It made me happy, as usual!
When I got to CVS I read all the instructions for the COINSTAR machine. Turns out, if you just get cash they take 9 cents per dollar, but if you get a gift card, they give you the full amount (I guess they get the 9 cents from the vendor). I looked at the options and saw they had STARBUCKS cards. No need to look further! I figure it’s something I definitely will use, instead of getting a gift card for some store and then figuring out what to buy and spending money I didn’t need to spend. This is something I KNOW I’ll use. I ended up having $16.22 in change and got that amount on a STARBUCKS card.
When I got back I put everything in the dryer. Then, I spoke to Eric again. I told him that I was feeling very anxious and worried about all that I have to do in the next few months. He was so sweet. He told me not to worry, that it will all work out, that I can get the movers to pack everything and I don’t have to do a thing, and that it doesn’t matter if I work or not. He told me if he can he will come out to San Diego to help me. That’s the first time he’s mentioned that, but I told him that he definitely shouldn’t do that if he’s working, because he needs to work, but if he’s not working, I’d love it!
Anyway, I started thinking about how anxious I was feeling today. Do you remember HIGH ANXIETY -- that Mel Brooks’ movie starring Mel and all the usual suspects—Cloris Leachman, Harvey Korman, Madeline Kahn. I always loved that movie. Unfortunately, that’s not what the heading of this entry was referring to! I don’t know why, but everything kind of built up in me today and I felt so much anxiety about what’s coming in 2009.
First of all, I’ve been trying to organize and pack a little, since I’m not working, but it’s VERY hard, because I don’t want to pack away things I might need before I leave, and I also don’t want to strip the apartment bare and live in it that way, so I kind of have to leave a lot of things the way they are for the time being.
I decided I wanted to try to bring a lot less back to New York with me than I brought here, but getting rid of the stuff I no longer want is stressful. I don’t want to do ebay (too much work). I can’t have a “garage” or “yard” sale, because I live in an apartment. I was thinking of selling at the flea market – you can rent a table for the day – but sitting outside all day – even in a San Diego winter – can be hard for someone like me. Also, I’d have to do it all myself, or pay someone to help me. Overwhelming!
Then, I got a bunch of information from Unemployment. I really don’t want unemployment, because I DO want to work, but I figure if the agencies don’t find work for me, if I am entitled to it, shouldn’t I get it? The problem is that they want you to find full-time employment and I really don’t think it’s fair for me to take a job and then quit in 4 months, do you? So, I am wondering if I should be truthful with them and explain my situation, and that I’m only interested in temp work. They may say if I don’t take any job I can get I don’t get unemployment. It’s probably as simple as that. Meanwhile there’s lots of paperwork and on-line forms to fill out. Overwhelming!
I went to ON CALL, which is another employment agency I’m signed up with. I did a job search and found a long-term temp job working as an administrative assistant for a vice president of some financial institution. When I read the list of responsibilities my head started to spin. I starting thinking, “How am I EVER going to have a job like that and pack up this apartment to leave San Diego ALL BY MYSELF? Overwhelming!
Back in NY, when I was packing and organizing in our house, getting ready to sell the house, and then getting ready to move after we sold, I wasn’t working – and neither was Eric. I said many times that I had NO idea how ANYONE ever worked full-time and packed up a house to move – especially with pets and children! I was overwhelmed then, and I’m overwhelmed now. I think part of my problem is that I’m too easy on myself. I’m not the type to push myself to my limits. I tend to baby myself.
The older I get the more I baby myself and the less I think I’m capable of. I probably can do a lot more than I give myself credit for, but I’m always afraid to try. I need to be challenged and rise to the occasion and I have a feeling the next 5 months will be just the ticket!
After talking to Eric I really did feel better. I know I’m just putting a lot of stress on myself and I really do have months to get everything accomplished.
I decided to sit and work on my typing project. I sat and typed for almost 2 hours. Then I had salmon and asparagus for dinner. After dinner I started working on organizing again. I’ve been gathering up photographs, and I have them in so many different places in so many different types of boxes, albums, etc. It’s SO disorganized, but I think getting everything totally organized would take weeks, and I didn’t have the time to do it in NY, and I don’t have the energy to do it in SD, so it will have to wait! In the meantime, I’m just getting all the photos together and will box them up together, so at least they’re all in one place.
I watched some TV (there’s really nothing on during the holiday season – it’s all repeats), and did things around the apartment at the same time. The living room really looks like I’m moving next week. There are boxes and things ready to be boxed all over the place. I have to get the boxes filled, type up a list of everything in each box, and then put them in the back room, so I don’t have to deal with them again until it’s time to move. I think if I do it a little at a time, as I have been, even when I go back to work, I’ll be able to get it all accomplished by spring.
Eric is the motivating factor here. Everything I do, every day, is with the thought in mind that soon we will be together again. I keep saying I wish I could just snap my fingers and be back in NY with him, but of course that’s not possible. So, I just have to keep plugging away and do what I can, without being too easy – or too hard – on myself!