A year ago, when Eric and I had our things shipped from New York to San Diego, a precious piece of art we had got damaged. The artwork was a signed original lithograph of Marilyn Monroe that I absolutely treasure. It used to hang in our living room. The frame and glass were cracked, but – miraculously – the artwork was not damaged.
We let it sit, broken, for almost a year and then, after Eric left for New York, I decided it was time to get it fixed. We had been given the name of a repair service, and the man had come and given Eric an estimate, but we never followed up.
I finally had him come pick it up and he just returned the piece today. It was so good to see it again. Looking at it was like looking at an old friend. I realize how much I had missed her beautiful face. I adore Marilyn Monroe – she’s one of my absolute favorite icons (along with Betty Boop!) and this piece is so different and unusual. It was a gift from a man I worked with at PricewaterhouseCoopers for a short time.
He actually knew the artist and the artist signed it for me!
I’m going to hang it over the couch in the living room, so I can enjoy it for the next few months, before I have to pack it up again and bring it back to New York. I hope it does better on the next trip across the U.S.!
Anyway, I woke up feeling worse than ever this morning, but as the day went by I felt better and better. I didn’t do much – just rested, watched TV, and cleaned the apartment a little. The repair guy came over at 3:00pm and then I went out to run some errands -- drug store, dry cleaners, Starbucks, Target, and then my usual Thursday appointment.
Boy, I had a lot to talk about. She listened and I rambled. It was good to tell her how great Eric is doing and what a great time we had together. I told her that I was anxious to get back to New York, but a little overwhelmed at the prospect of packing up everything to ship back. It’s not actually the packing part that overwhelms me, it’s the fact that I don’t want to ship EVERYTHING back. There’s a lot of stuff I’d like to get rid of, and finding a way to sell it all before I leave is the overwhelming part.
I’m not ready to invest the time and energy in ebay, so I figure I’ll have to get a table at a flea market or something like that. I wish I could just have a garage sale, but since I don’t have a garage, or a yard, or even a driveway…
After my appointment I drove to a nearby shopping center to find a BARNES & NOBLE. While I was in NY a friend gave me a $50 gift certificate for my birthday and I was determined to use it. I didn’t want to buy books for two reasons – first of all, I have so many books already and I don’t want any more to ship back to NY, and second of all, I can just get any novel out of the library, so there’s no use buying one. Before we left NY I sold a lot of my coffee table books, which I really enjoy, and it would be counterproductive to buy more.
I ended up spending the entire amount on cards! I love cards, and they had a great selection. I found beautiful cards to send for birthdays, anniversaries, and even a great one for the Bar Mitzvah boy in two weeks!
When I got home I made a fast trip to KEIL’S and picked up a few items. I bought baby carrots and a small onion to add to my soup, and added another carton of vegetable broth. I also got a small six-piece sushi for dinner. I had the sushi and a small bowl of soup. The onion and carrots made it yummier than ever!
So, I do have a topic to write about today. Toxic people. What do you do if someone you love is toxic? I’m not necessarily talking about a friend, or someone you can just dump. What if someone in your life, that you love a lot, is completely toxic and you find yourself wanting to cut them out of your life? How do you deal?
Okay, so maybe this is a topic better left for me and my therapist, but I feel compelled to talk about the people in this world who are selfish, self-centered, right-fighters, that only think of themselves and never think about how their actions affect others. If you know saying something is going to hurt someone’s feelings, or even that it COULD hurt someone’s feelings, would you still say it?
I’m not talking about things said in the “heat of the moment” – things said in anger. I’m talking about a general conversation and someone saying something and knowing that they’re getting a kick out of hurting you. That they are lifted up by putting you down. That’s what I think is toxic.
I’ve had toxic people around me for a long time and, the truth is, I really feel sorry for them.
I know they must have so much frustration and anger and sadness in their lives to lash out at others the way they do. I know that if they could just feel better about themselves they wouldn’t need to ALWAYS be right. They wouldn’t need to put others down to make themselves feel better. They would just want people to be happy and healthy and live their lives and accept them for who and what they are.
I am praying that a toxic person I know can find peace within themselves and fill their life with good things and not need to lash out at others. I am praying that this person can forgive me for whatever they think I have done to them to make them so angry at me. I am praying that they can see that I have had a lot of pain this year, and that I am trying so hard just to get by and that I need love and understanding, and support, and not criticism and cruelty.
I don’t usually write about such personal things, but this is something that is weighing on me heavily today and which I felt it necessary to talk about. I feel better just getting my feelings out there in the world. I feel better every day when I blog, because I’m talking about my day, my feelings, my life -- and I don’t care if people like it or not.
And that's another topic I'd love to discuss. My blog is like the TV or the radio. If you don’t like reality TV – don’t watch it. There’s plenty of other stuff on TV. Just change the channel. If you don’t like Howard Stern – change the station. There are plenty of radio stations. If you don’t like my blog – don’t read it. God knows, there’s plenty of stuff to read on the internet!
I actually feel empowered by the fact that there may be people out there reading my blog who don’t like it – who are bored by my mundane life. Do you know why? Because they feel compelled to read it anyway! Why on earth would you read something you don’t enjoy? I would never subject myself to that. I don’t understand it. Never will.
Yet, I’ve learned there are actually people out there who aren’t my dear friends who read this. And I feel empowered by it. I feel important. Maybe they’re total strangers. Maybe they’re people who know me, but aren’t friends. In any event, the fact that someone who isn’t supporting me or loving me is reading this makes it more than just a way to keep in touch. It means my words have power. And I like it!